I was all amped up for a dumpster fire of a shit show last night, but what I got was Trump trying to act like a grown up, and it was boring. Sure there were a few weird moments, espically the “I’m the least racist person you will ever meet,” moment. Like I joked last night, whenever a person uses that phrase, they are actually the most racist person you will ever meet.
As is the game the next morning, we all ask, who won the debate?
Well, I have to go with Biden, and to be honest, Biden wasn’t that good. He was playing not to lose, instead of trying to get a win. I can’t blame the guy, I would do the same thing if I was in his shoes.
As for Trump, his “Bull in a China Shop” schtick from last time caused him to be pinned in and constrained due to the rule change. Hopefully this will be the last debate with the Trump Rule will be used; the mute button. Trump was forced to behave, which gave Biden the advantage because it turned into a real debate, or at least a half-assed policy discussion. In that situation, Trump is pretty boring.
In the end, each camp will claim their guy won, so no real surprise at reading the news today.
Will this debate cause people to change their minds? I doubt it. Most people are already locked in to who they support. I just hope people vote.
What I would really like to see is a 64% voter turn out for this election. That would be the highest turn out in 100 years. That to me would say people are taking this serious.
I am purposely taking today easy, and not doing anything other than the basics. That’s because there will a Rapture level dumpster fire trainwreck of a political debate tonight.
Did you know that was happening tonight? We’re you aware?
I’m going to make miso ramen for my family, buy a bottle of sake and bourbon, and yell at my tv for over an hour. You know, like our forefathers used to do.
I will be on Twitter tonight (@mlgroff) making an occasional joke, and seeing what everyone else has to say.
Most importantly, make your plan to vote.
I fully believe that rewriting is a skill. A skill that I do not possess.
I am trying to make a better effort this time around at rewriting. Really putting my mind to it. Making notes on the first draft, formulating an outline, crafting the words to build the story. And I just about hate all of it.
As I get older, I begin to see patterns in my life. One pattern I see is my attraction to acts of immediacy in the arts. I love Jack Kerouac, Jackson Pollock, and Jazz. The theatre I have been the most successful at has been puppetry, which has been like pick up the puppet and go perform.
It has been an artistic life and philosophy of, “First thought, best thought.”
Yet, when it comes to my writing, my first thought is not the best thought. I have to work at a best thought.
I remember a theatre professor back in college who told us that we had to learn to appreciate all the steps in the process of being an actor. Not love all the steps, just appreciate. You can’t be an actor if you hate auditioning, as the hatred of that step will come through when you try to get a job. But if you respect that step, then you will hone the needed skills that will help you audition, which helps you get to the next step.
That’s where I feel like I am coming to. I don’t like rewriting, but I have first drafts that need reworking, and this is the next step in the process.
If you know who Kilgore Trout is, then you are someone who has read Vonnegut. If you have read Vonnegut, then you most likely love him, because he’s the type of writer you either love or hate; not many in the middle.
I always felt that Kilgore was created as a character to reflect how Vonnegut felt about himself as a writer, and the fear most writers have. Thus by creating this embodiment, the fear becomes knowable, and therefore manageable.
If you don’t remember, the Kilgore Trout character was a great writer who could only get published in the worst magazines published. This lack of publication status causes Trout to doubt his abilities as a writer, and lose his grip on reality.
I think Vonnegut touches on a very interesting modern anxiety; achieving your dream, but you still don’t get the validation you seek.
I think about Kilgore Trout often.
Last Friday when I was at the park with the kid, besides keeping an eye on her, I did some journaling with the intent of reminding myself of the story ideas that I needed to work on. Total, I have about four good ideas I want to flesh out.
And that’s all the work I have done on the for four days. Just notes.
I am beginning to get very frustrated at myself and my situation. Maybe I’m too ambitious or not enough of a realist when it comes to the world I inhabit. I keep thinking I can get it all done. Each day that goes by and I don’t work on these stories makes me feel like I’m flushing away my creative potential.
I’m also tired of using COVID or the election as the excuse why I can’t work. I doomscroll and keep checking polls, but I don’t live like they cause an atrophy to my drive.
It’s not working the way it should, and I feel like I have to go back to the drawing board.